STEP ONE

We admitted we were powerless over
the effects of our separation from
God—that our lives had
become unmanageable.

I know that nothing good lives in me,
that is, in my sinful nature. For I
have the desire to do what is good,
but I cannot carry it out.
(ROM. 7:18)

Understanding Step One

When we were young, we were sometimes tickled by those who were bigger than us. They would often tickle us so hard and long that we lost control. We would gasp and cry for them to stop, and we would scream, "I quit, I give up, please stop!" Sometimes they stopped when we cried and sometimes they stopped only when someone older or bigger came to our rescue.

Step One is like this episode from childhood. Our own life and behavior is like the cruel tickler who inflicts pain and discomfort. We have done this to ourselves. We took control to protect ourselves, but results have frequently ended in chaos. And now we don't want to give up control and release ourselves from the torment. In Step One we admit that we can't stand it anymore. We plead for release. We cry, "I quit!"

Working Step One

We shouldn't look for anything complicated or deep in Step One. Instead, we surrender and face our pain head on. We may have spent a lifetime avoiding, hiding, or medicating the pain. Step One is an opportunity to face reality and admit that our life isn't working with us in control. We embrace our powerlessness and we stop pretending.

Preparing for Step One

The way we manage our own lives brings us to the end of our rope. We hit bottom. Our ways and our efforts fail us. At this point, Step One provides needed direction for our unmanageability. We prepare ourselves by realizing that Step One is the first step in a spiritual journey toward wholeness. This step stops us. It puts a halt to our own efforts and gives us permission to quit.

Prayer for Step One

Today, I ask for help with my recovery. I feel a little lost and am very unsure of myself. Denial has kept me from seeing how powerless I am and how unmanageable my life has become. I need to learn and remember that I cannot manage my life or the lives of others. I also need to remember that the best thing I can do right now is to let go. I choose to let go—I admit that I am powerless and that my life is unmanageable.

The ideas presented in Step One are overwhelming to most of us until we begin to see our lives as they really are. It is threatening to imagine that we could be powerless, and that our lives could be unmanageable. Our life experiences, however, remind us that our behavior does not always produce peace and serenity. Our background, if affected by alcohol or other types of family dysfunction, undermines our best plans, desires, and dreams. Often, our troubled background has caused us to lose touch with God and ourselves. Our lives are full of unwelcome behaviors and overwhelming emotions.

We may have been taught to believe that we only have to accept Christ as our Lord and Savior for our lives to be complete and satisfying. We may have relied upon this to prepare us for the hereafter. Our proclamation that "I am born anew; the past is washed clean; I am a new creature; Christ has totally changed me" is true. Our Spirits are born anew, but since we have a lifetime of habits and wounds, we need more than salvation. We need transformation—the hard work of change. To over- spiritualize the initial work of salvation may be to deny the actual condition of our lives.

The fact that we still feel pain from our past is not a sign of a failed relationship with God. The presence of pain does not lessen the impact of salvation in our lives. This is simply a signal we need to begin the process of healing by daily working the steps with God's help. In time, God will bring the healing and make the necessary changes in our lives. To admit to pains and problems may seem a contradiction of our strong claim to salvation, but it is not. The Bible is full of accounts of men and women who struggled continually to overcome past mistakes and life's many temptations.

The idea that there are areas of our lives over which we are powerless is a new idea for us. It is much easier
for us to feel that we have power and are in control. Paul the Apostle, in his letter to the Church of Rome, describes the powerlessness and unmanageability of his life. He writes of his continued sinful behavior as proof of his separation from God (Romans 7:14). Yet, his admission does not in¬terfere with his commitment to do God's will. Without knowing the details of Paul's background, we can only assume from his comments that self-will was a problem. Paul's will got in the way of God's will. Because of our background, we function in much the same way as Paul did, allowing our self-will to work against us.

We live in a culture that places a high value on individual accomplishment. Most of us, from the time we were small children, were bombarded by the ideal of high achievement. Being competitive in school, sports, and business is viewed as important in our society. We are taught that if we compete hard enough we will be "winners" and, therefore, good people. If, however, we don't measure up to what is expected of us and are losers, we believe we are failures. Due to the absence of good role models during childhood, many of us are confused. We don't know where we fit in. We continue to allow our worth and self-esteem to be determined by what we do and what others think of us, and not by who we are in Christ. Looking back at our past, we may continue to classify ourselves as losers. We may condition ourselves to fail. Our low self-esteem keeps us from becoming winners and causes extreme stress and anxiety.

As we mature, matters get worse. The stressful lives we lead give us no satisfaction, and the stress compounds our problems. Our fears and insecurities increase, creating a sense of panic. Some of us revert to abusing mood-altering substances such as drugs, alcohol, or food to relieve our tension. In more subtle ways, we may bury ourselves in church activities, work, relationships, or other addictive/compulsive behaviors to try to combat the anxieties that seem to overwhelm us. When we come to grips with ourselves and realize that our lives are just one big roller-coaster ride, we are ready for Step One. We have no alternative but to admit that we are powerless and that our lives have become unmanageable. When we begin to recognize the seriousness of our condition, it is important that we seek help to stop the roller-coaster.

Step One forms the foundation for working the other steps. In this vital encounter with the circumstances of our lives, we admit our powerlessness and accept the unmanageability of our lives. Surrendering to this idea is not an easy thing to do. Although our behavior has caused us nothing but stress and pain, it is difficult to let go and trust that things will work out well. We may experience confusion, drowsiness, sadness, sleeplessness, or turmoil. These are normal responses to the severe inner struggles we are experiencing. It is important to remember that sur¬render requires great mental and emotional energy as well as determination. Do not give up. A new life of freedom awaits us.

LOOKING TO SCRIPTURE

In Step One, we come to grips with the reality of our lives. Perhaps for the first time, we finally admit defeat and recognize that we need help. In looking at Step One, we see it has two distinct parts. The first part is the admission that we have obsessive traits. Those traits appear in the way we try to manipulate the affairs of our lives to ease the inner pain of separateness from God. We are in the grip of an addictive process that has rendered us powerless over our behavior. The second part is the admission that our lives have been, and will continue to be, unmanageable if we insist on living by our own will.

I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes. PS. 6:6-7

 When we fall away from the  plan God has for us, our despair, chaos, and disorder can cause us to feel physically sick and may result in serious illness.

Our self-serving pride cries out against the idea of personal powerlessness and giving up control. We have been accustomed to accepting full responsibility for all that happens in our lives and also in the lives of others. Some of us take on the role of being overly responsible while others of us withdraw and become very irresponsible. Until we reach an intolerable threshold of pain; we will be unable to take the first step toward liberation and renewed strength. The fact that we are powerless is a truth we must realize before we can totally surrender.

This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. DEUT. 30:19-20

We choose life when we become willing to look at ourselves and our lives honestly, and to seek the help we need for our healing to begin.

As we begin to accept the reality of our condition, we naturally reach out to others for answers. We feel like timid spiritual beginners and wonder why the quality of life we are seeking has escaped us. Friends may tell us, "Read your Bible" or "Pray about it." Some may suggest we talk with our minister. No matter how many outside sources we seek, there will be no relief for us until we, by ourselves, acknowledge our powerlessness. Only then will we begin to see that Step One is the beginning of a way out.

The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know. 1 COR. 8:2

Convincing ourselves that our lives are working successfully is a form of denial that prevents us from seeing our condition as it really is.

Step One is an ongoing commitment. We must remember that our damaging traits, habits, and behaviors are a part of us. They are unconscious reactions to the stresses of life. As we notice self-defeating behaviors and reactions surface, we can admit our powerlessness and seek God's help.

That day...they took him along...in the boat. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat... Jesus was...sleeping on a cushion. The disciples...said to him, "...don't you care if we drown?" He...said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was...calm. He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" MARK 4:35-40

Lack of trust and fear of the unknown contribute to our feeling of powerlessness.

The second part of Step One, admitting that our lives are unmanageable, is as difficult as acknowledging that we are powerless. We can become more observant of the thoughts and behaviors we still rely upon from our past as a way to hide the truth about ourselves today. We need to be totally honest, drop the disguises, and see things as they really are. When we stop finding excuses for our behavior, we will have taken the first step toward achieving the humility we need to accept spiritual guidance. It is through this spiritual guidance that we can begin to rebuild ourselves and our lives.

"I am the true vine and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruits he trims clean so that it will be even more fruitful. JOHN 15:1-2

Realizing that we have nonproductive behaviors that damage our health helps us understand why and how our lives have become unmanageable.

A physical disease can only begin to be healed when we acknowledge its presence. In a similar way, the spiritual healing of our obsessive/compulsive behavior begins when we acknowledge the problem behavior. In Mark 10:51, it was obvious to others that Bartimaeus was blind. However, he openly asked Christ to heal his blindness. Until we realize this truth, our progress toward recovery will be blocked. Our healing begins when we are willing to acknowledge our problems.

When he came to his senses, he said, "How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death!" LUKE 15:17

When we truly see the reality of our lives and acknowledge our need for help, we invite our Lord into our lives; then the healing process begins.

As we progress through the Steps, we will discover that true and lasting change does not happen by trying to alter our life conditions. Although it is tempting to think so, outside adjustments cannot correct inside problems. Extraordinary healing requires surrendering the belief that we can heal our lives by manipulating our environment. Our willingness to work the Steps will enable us to begin our true healing, which starts on the inside.

"I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."
ROM. 7:18-20

No matter how sincere our intentions, we are often powerless to change our behaviors.

By growing in faith, we become aware that we are not alone. Our Lord said he will not leave us comfortless for he has sent his Holy Spirit. In time, we will come to know his constant presence. For now, each day is a new opportunity to admit our powerlessness and the unmanageability of people, events, and things in our lives.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 COR. 12:9-10

When we give up our struggle for control and put our lives into God's hands, we find his strength sufficient for every need.

As we begin our journey toward recovery by working the Twelve Steps, old truthsowill have new meaning for us. We will know what it means when we say we can never be separated from the love of God. Our faith in God and our emerging faith in ourselves and others will sustain us in the steps ahead. This faith serves to strengthen us as we experience the inevitable pain and suffering that our rigorous self-examination will cause. It is the only way out for us—the only way to a new life in Christ. For now, we need only focus on our powerlessness.

He who trusts in himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe. PROV. 28:26

We cannot rely on our will alone; we also must rely on the strength of God working through us.

KEY IDEAS

Powerless: In Step One we discover that recovery begins with an admission that we are powerless. We admit that we do not have the power to live life as God intends.

Unmanageable: We have tried to manage our lives and the lives of others. However, our management has always met with failure. In Step One we admit that we cannot control or manage our lives any longer.

Dysfunction: If something is functioning normally we understand that it is running the way it is supposed to run. However, dysfunction implies that the function is "impaired" or "abnormal." The Greek prefix dys implies "unlucky" or "dangerous." Those of us in recovery understand all too well that our lives have fit these descriptions. We have not been living life as God intended. The functioning of our lives has been ill, bad, unlucky, and even dangerous. Our lives have been dysfunctional.