STEP THREE

Made a decision to turn our will
and our lives over to the care of
God as we understood him.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of
God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living
sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—
which is your spiritual worship.
(ROM. 12:1)

Understanding Step Three

Can you imagine the insanity of trying to perform surgery on ourselves? At the first hint of pain from the scalpel, we would stop. Healing would never happen. It is just as insane to think that we can manage our own recovery. We must put our lives into the hands of our Higher Power. God alone knows what is needed for healing. In Step Three we decide to turn the scalpel over to God. We decide to ask him to take control of our will and our lives.

Working Step Three

We work Step Three by going through a decision-making process. Think of other big decisions that we have made in our lives. For example, when making a decision about buying a house, we consider such things about the house as cost, location, condition, etc. We also take into consideration things about ourselves such as our ability to pay, housing needs, personal preferences, etc. Finally, when all things have been weighed, we make a decision. In a similar way we work Step Three. We consider how well the present management of our lives is going. We consider our needs, God's ability, the future. We take time to contemplate the changes. And finally, we make a decision that God is the only one able to manage our lives, that his will for us is best.

Preparing for Step Three

We prepare for Step Three by thoroughly doing Steps One and Two. If we are not convinced that we are powerless and that our lives are unmanageable, we are not ready for Step Three. This step will be difficult if we have not come to believe that God can restore us to sanity and is able to care for us. We prepare for Step Three by fully accepting our powerlessness and our inability to manage our lives. We also prepare by allowing God to plant seeds of faith in our hearts. When those things are in place, Ste, Three comes easily.

Prayer for Step Three

Lord,
I surrender to you my entire life, O God of my understanding.
I have made a mess of it
trying to run it myself.
You take, the whole thing,
and run it for me,
According to your will and plan.

Step Three is the central theme of all the steps. It is the point at which we make a decision to turn our
will and our lives over to the care of God. Step Three is an important cornerstone for building an effective and peaceful life. In Steps One and Two we established the basis for turning our lives over to the care of God. The commitment we now make in Step Three must be repeated more than once. Actually, we are just beginning to turn things over to God. Repeated working of the first three Steps helps to build a solid foundation for working the total program.

Many of us come to this program with strong negative perceptions about the world in which we live. Those perceptions may be based on hurtful childhood experiences, misguided academic training, or simply the accumulated lessons of our lives. Because of other past experiences, we may have perceived God to be unloving and judgmental. If we have experienced extreme violence as children, we may find it hard to trust anyone or anything—even God. Whatever the source, our recovery is hindered if our beliefs make it difficult to let go of our fear and surrender our lives to God. In Step Three, we decide to take the leap of faith and put our lives in his hands.

Biblical figures often resisted following God's will. The Bible illustrates some examples of doing God's will when it didn't make any sense. Yet, the end result showed it was wise to follow God's guidance. Such acts of faith are exemplified by Moses as he led the nation of Israel into the wilderness and by Abraham's willingness to sacrifice his son Isaac. Also, despite criticism of his contemporaries, Noah built the ark. The essence of these actions is summarized in Hebrews 11:6: "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."

Until now, our inaccurate perceptions of reality have led us into many compulsive/obsessive behaviors. Admitting our responsibility for these dysfunctions is often too difficult. It implies that we have not been "good people." Denial is our only recourse. Our denial acts as a shield against confronting ourselves as we really are. When denial is at work, it is like a shuttered window, closing out the sunlight. In Step Three, we begin the process of opening the shutters and allowing God's light to enter. God's word is a source of light with which we can examine our behavior and understand reality.

Step Three is an affirmative step. It is time to make a decision. In the first two steps, we became aware of our condition and accepted the idea of a power greater than ourselves. Although we began to know and trust God, we may find it difficult to give God total control of our lives. However, if the alternative is to face the loss of people or things vital to our lives, such as family, job, health, or sanity, God's guidance might be easier to accept. Our lives may have many beautiful and rewarding relationships that are being ruined by our addictive/compulsive behavior. We must not be discouraged by these discoveries. Instead, we can allow these discoveries to prompt our surrender to God.

As we begin to allow God's will to act in our lives, our self-destructive tendencies become fewer and much less distracting. Often, the confusion and grief we cause ourselves and others prevent us from successfully working and practicing the steps. Making the decision to begin this journey to health is an act of great importance and should not be made in a time of emotional upheaval. The key elements in Step Three are making the decision with a clear and rational mind, being committed to that decision, and, finally, trusting the outcome to God.
As we surrender our lives and stop carrying the burdens of our past, we will begin to feel better about ourselves.

The more we learn to trust in the Lord, the more we will trust ourselves and extend that trust to others. Our decision to choose God's way will restore us to the fullness of life. As we free ourselves from our self-will, we in turn free ourselves from much of our negative behaviors, and we are able to deal more effectively with the daily routine of our lives. Our impatience and irritability dissipate as we come to know God's love and yearn to share it with others. Our lives transform into a dynamic relationship with God. We become the persons he meant for us to be—full citizens in his kingdom.

LOOKING TO SCRIPTURE

In Step Three, we make an important decision. It is time to acknowledge our need for God's guidance in our lives. We make the decision to surrender our lives to God's care. God becomes our new manager, and we accept life on his terms. He offers us a way to live that is free from the emotional pollution of our past, allowing us to enjoy new and wonderful experiences. Step Three provides us with an opportunity to turn away from behavior that fosters addiction, discouragement, sickness, and fear.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. PROV. 3:5-6

When we trust in the Lord and not in ourselves, his guidance will straighten our path.

Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.
PS. 143: 10-11

The guidance of the Holy Spirit will bring us peace.

Many of us begin the Step Three process by deciding to turn over only certain parts of our lives. We are willing to surrender the most difficult problems when we see they are making our lives unmanageable. We cling to other areas of our lives because we think we can manage them. We eventually realize that we cannot barter with God. We must be prepared to surrender our entire will and every part of our lives to his care if we want to recover. When we are truly able to accept this fact, our journey to wholeness has begun.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—which is your spiritual worship. ROM. 12:1

Surrendering our will and turning our lives over to God's care will relieve our stress and anxiety.
Step Three may make us feel we are losing our identity. We may think we are going to lose everything. Not knowing what is going to happen is frightening. Most of us have tried desperately to control our environment. Many of these behavior traits were developed during childhood and came about as a direct result of the circumstances in which we were raised. Deep within us may be a fearful childhood memory and a trembling child, anxious about someone's anger, criticism, threats, or violence. As children, we tried to fix or take care of the people around us so they would not abandon us, leaving us with only broken promises and shattered dreams. As a result, we reinforced in ourselves a host of undesirable tendencies such as caretaking, controlling, and an overdeveloped sense of responsibility.

Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God. JOHN 1:12-13

Our childhood relationship with God is still an influence we must deal with in learning to trust that our true Father is God. The conditions in which we were raised often kept us from ever trusting in God. Our prayers may have been unanswered, and we could not imagine how a loving God could be so cruel to us. Step Three is an opportunity to start over.

As we work the Steps, we will get in touch with memories of childhood hurts. We also will begin to experience God's healing love, which transcends time, to repair the damage that has been done. Jesus told us that we must become like children to enter the Kingdom of God. This statement helps us recognize that a childlike state will enable us to regain our capacity to give and receive unconditional love. Thus, we can look forward to a return of childlike spontaneity, and a growing capacity to give and receive love and nurturing
 
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." MA1 1. 11:28-30

The Lord wants us to give him the burdens of guilt and shame we have carried with us since childhood.

Learning to trust in God and accept his support will enhance the quality of our lives. We will no longer feel the need to carry our burdens by ourselves. Much of the pain of our past is a result of feeling totally alone. With God's presence, our sense of self-esteem will improve, and we will begin to recognize that we are worthwhile human beings. Our capacity to receive and give love will increase, and we will come to place great value on fellowship and sharing.

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes. PS. 118:8-9

Our growing trust in God will give us courage to extend love to ourselves and others. Christ exemplified the concept of "turning it over" by acceptance of his Father's will, which led to the Cross and the victory of resurrection. During his life on earth, Jesus' love for us led him into constant confrontations with the forces of evil. He was strong and steadfast in those confrontations because he placed his trust in his Heavenly Father. But Jesus had confrontations of a different nature: confrontations within himself. He struggled with doing God's will because it wasn't always the easy way. Even Jesus expressed his struggle in prayer, yet he always yielded to his Father's will because he knew it was best.

Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." MATT, 26:39

Whatever trials we face, we are not alone. We are united with God through Christ, whose love always triumphs over evil. In this life, we too have crosses to bear. Some of us still may be experiencing the powerful impact of our history of disabling behavior. Whether our addiction is drugs, destructive relationships, sex, alcohol, money, or food, we face the possibility of spiritual as well as physical death. As we turn away from these temptations, we accept God's offer to cast our burdens upon him.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. GAL,2:20

When Christ lives in us, we can acknowledge and defeat temptation.

When we develop a daily routine of working Step Three, a change will come over us. We will be calmer and feel less responsible for everything and everybody. Peace and serenity will come to us in measures never before experienced. Our eyes will be opened, and we will have a fresh start in life. We will become increasingly aware that God is guiding us. People around us may notice that we have become more confident and trustworthy.
Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. PROV, 16:3

God leads us to victory over the trials of this life, so that we may experience success through his strength,
No matter how far we progress in recovery, we must continually turn our lives over to the care of God and be vigilant. It is foolish for us not to anticipate relapses. We need only to recognize this, and to willingly work the program on a daily basis. It is especially important to continue to practice Step Three. Our willingness to trust in God ensures our victory. Without it, we resort to our old survival techniques and traits, and we place ourselves back in control.

I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. JOHN 14:12-13

The improvements we begin to see in our lives are the first fruits of the goodness God has in store for us.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord.
JER. 29:11-14

When working Step Three, we discover the depth of God's love for us and understand that through him all things are possible.

Thousands of people seeking to experience peace, serenity, and fellowship with the Lord have walked this same path. Our task is to continually ask God for guidance. We receive his guidance by personal invitation. Jesus said, "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat [fellowship] with him, and he with me." (Rev. 3:20) All we need to do is open the door of our hearts to Christ. The following prayer can help our relationship with Christ and strengthen our daily walk:

Lord Jesus,
I turn my will and my life over to you.
Mold me and do with me as you will.
I trust you to guide my steps, and
I enter the world with hope that I may better do your will.
I ask for your forgiveness and acceptance.
I welcome your Holy Spirit's power, love,
and guidance in everything I do. Amen.

KEY IDEAS

Turn It Over: This phrase of surrender is a key idea for Step Three. Imagine turning over your car keys to someone else. Think of turning over a job or a responsibility to a more capable person. People who have been in the program for any length of time talk about turning over problems and daily troubles to their Higher Power. For those of us who are working Step Three for the first time, we are turning over our will and our lives to God's care. Whatever imagery you choose, let the meaning always be the same: the surrender of your will and life. Turn it over. Give God control.

Self-will: Self-will is the determination within us all to control our own lives. Self-will in itself is not wrong; God has given us the power to choose. The problem with choice occurs when our will conflicts with God's. Our choices have brought us pain, hardships, addictions, compulsions, and self-defeating behaviors. God's will for our lives brings us hope, healing, and peace. His plans are good. Our self-will is best exercised in choosing surrender to God.