Understanding 12 Step Programs

Barry Justice — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 21:17:07 GMT

The Recovery Broadcast Network is very pleased to present the following information regarding 12 Step Programs. We attempt to take an objective look at Twelve Step Programs and the Steps they use. Don't let the talk about spiritual principles scare you off. You too, can put the most powerful principles of recovery to work for you!

Millions of people have transformed their lives, from the hopelessness and despair of addiction to the freedom of recovery, by working the Twelve Steps. Truly understand these principles and learn to apply them in your daily life. Since all 12 Step programs are based on Alcoholics Anonymous, we will focus primarily on the original 12 step model of recovery and the program of A. A. But almost all the information applies to all 12 step programs. Please remember that this material represents opinion. So take what you find helpful and leave the rest. The Recovery Broadcast Network is not associated with Alcoholics Anonymous or any other Twelve Step Program in any way.

Understanding Alcoholism

Barry Justice — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 21:19:30 GMT

Understand Alcohol and Alcoholism. This is the best information on this topic available anywhere. It is presented in a straight forward, easy to understand format. Don't miss this incredible audio presentation!

The 12 Step Plus Approach

Barry Justice — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 21:21:26 GMT

What Happens at 12 Step Meetings

Barry Justice — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 21:24:03 GMT

Understanding the Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous

Barry Justice — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 21:26:05 GMT

The Recovery Broadcast Network is very pleased to present this incredible information for understanding the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. You will not want to miss this special audio presentation!

Overview of The 12 Steps

Barry Justice — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 21:28:20 GMT

How To Recover From Addiction Part 1

Barry Justice — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 21:30:45 GMT

Getting Sober Part 1:

Learn what you need to know to recover from addiction. Knowledge alone is not enough, to overcome the disease of addiction, but it sure helps! If you are looking for a quick fix or an easy answer to this disease, you will not find it here. Willpower alone is not enough. Anymore than willpower is enough to cure cancer or diabetes. In fact, what prevents an addicted person from recovering is relying on the misconception that willpower alone is the answer. If you are willing to accept that willpower alone is not enough, then you are ready to recover from addiction!

How To Recover From Addiction Part 2

Barry Justice — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 21:32:17 GMT

Getting Sober Part 2:

How To Recover From Addiction Part 3

Barry Justice — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 21:34:05 GMT

Getting Sober Part 3:

How To Recovery From Addiction Part 4

Barry Justice — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 21:35:46 GMT

Getting Sober Part 4:

Learn what you need to know to recover from addiction. Knowledge alone is not enough, to overcome the disease of addiction, but it sure helps! If you are looking for a quick fix or an easy answer to this disease, you will not find it here. Willpower alone is not enough. Anymore than willpower is enough to cure cancer or diabetes. In fact, what prevents an addicted person from recovering is relying on the misconception that willpower alone is the answer. If you are willing to accept that willpower alone is not enough, then you are ready to recover from addiction!

Narcotics Anonymous Step 1

Barry Justice — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 20:23:18 GMT

Step 1: We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable.

If you want what we have to offer, and are willing to make the effort to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps. These are the principles that made our recovery possible.

This sounds like a big order, and we can’t do it all at once. We didn’t become addicted in one day, so remember—easy does it.

There is one thing more than anything else that will defeat us in our recovery; this is an attitude of indifference or intolerance toward spiritual principles. Three of these that are indispensable are honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness. With these we are well on our way.

Narcotics Anonymous Step 2

Barry Justice — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 20:24:15 GMT

Step 2: We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

If you want what we have to offer, and are willing to make the effort to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps. These are the principles that made our recovery possible.

This sounds like a big order, and we can’t do it all at once. We didn’t become addicted in one day, so remember—easy does it.

Narcotics Anonymous Step 3

Barry Justice — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 20:25:13 GMT

Step 3: We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

If you want what we have to offer, and are willing to make the effort to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps. These are the principles that made our recovery possible.

This sounds like a big order, and we can’t do it all at once. We didn’t become addicted in one day, so remember—easy does it.

Narcotics Anonymous Step 4

Barry Justice — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 20:26:18 GMT

Step 4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

If you want what we have to offer, and are willing to make the effort to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps. These are the principles that made our recovery possible.

This sounds like a big order, and we can’t do it all at once. We didn’t become addicted in one day, so remember—easy does it.

The 12 Steps For Christians

Barry Justice — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 20:38:01 GMT

STEP ONE

We admitted we were powerless over
the effects of our separation from
God—that our lives had
become unmanageable.

I know that nothing good lives in me,
that is, in my sinful nature. For I
have the desire to do what is good,
but I cannot carry it out.
(ROM. 7:18)

Understanding Step One

When we were young, we were sometimes tickled by those who were bigger than us. They would often tickle us so hard and long that we lost control. We would gasp and cry for them to stop, and we would scream, "I quit, I give up, please stop!" Sometimes they stopped when we cried and sometimes they stopped only when someone older or bigger came to our rescue.

Step One is like this episode from childhood. Our own life and behavior is like the cruel tickler who inflicts pain and discomfort. We have done this to ourselves. We took control to protect ourselves, but results have frequently ended in chaos. And now we don't want to give up control and release ourselves from the torment. In Step One we admit that we can't stand it anymore. We plead for release. We cry, "I quit!"

Working Step One

We shouldn't look for anything complicated or deep in Step One. Instead, we surrender and face our pain head on. We may have spent a lifetime avoiding, hiding, or medicating the pain. Step One is an opportunity to face reality and admit that our life isn't working with us in control. We embrace our powerlessness and we stop pretending.

Preparing for Step One

The way we manage our own lives brings us to the end of our rope. We hit bottom. Our ways and our efforts fail us. At this point, Step One provides needed direction for our unmanageability. We prepare ourselves by realizing that Step One is the first step in a spiritual journey toward wholeness. This step stops us. It puts a halt to our own efforts and gives us permission to quit.

Prayer for Step One

Today, I ask for help with my recovery. I feel a little lost and am very unsure of myself. Denial has kept me from seeing how powerless I am and how unmanageable my life has become. I need to learn and remember that I cannot manage my life or the lives of others. I also need to remember that the best thing I can do right now is to let go. I choose to let go—I admit that I am powerless and that my life is unmanageable.

The ideas presented in Step One are overwhelming to most of us until we begin to see our lives as they really are. It is threatening to imagine that we could be powerless, and that our lives could be unmanageable. Our life experiences, however, remind us that our behavior does not always produce peace and serenity. Our background, if affected by alcohol or other types of family dysfunction, undermines our best plans, desires, and dreams. Often, our troubled background has caused us to lose touch with God and ourselves. Our lives are full of unwelcome behaviors and overwhelming emotions.

We may have been taught to believe that we only have to accept Christ as our Lord and Savior for our lives to be complete and satisfying. We may have relied upon this to prepare us for the hereafter. Our proclamation that "I am born anew; the past is washed clean; I am a new creature; Christ has totally changed me" is true. Our Spirits are born anew, but since we have a lifetime of habits and wounds, we need more than salvation. We need transformation—the hard work of change. To over- spiritualize the initial work of salvation may be to deny the actual condition of our lives.

The fact that we still feel pain from our past is not a sign of a failed relationship with God. The presence of pain does not lessen the impact of salvation in our lives. This is simply a signal we need to begin the process of healing by daily working the steps with God's help. In time, God will bring the healing and make the necessary changes in our lives. To admit to pains and problems may seem a contradiction of our strong claim to salvation, but it is not. The Bible is full of accounts of men and women who struggled continually to overcome past mistakes and life's many temptations.

The idea that there are areas of our lives over which we are powerless is a new idea for us. It is much easier
for us to feel that we have power and are in control. Paul the Apostle, in his letter to the Church of Rome, describes the powerlessness and unmanageability of his life. He writes of his continued sinful behavior as proof of his separation from God (Romans 7:14). Yet, his admission does not in¬terfere with his commitment to do God's will. Without knowing the details of Paul's background, we can only assume from his comments that self-will was a problem. Paul's will got in the way of God's will. Because of our background, we function in much the same way as Paul did, allowing our self-will to work against us.

We live in a culture that places a high value on individual accomplishment. Most of us, from the time we were small children, were bombarded by the ideal of high achievement. Being competitive in school, sports, and business is viewed as important in our society. We are taught that if we compete hard enough we will be "winners" and, therefore, good people. If, however, we don't measure up to what is expected of us and are losers, we believe we are failures. Due to the absence of good role models during childhood, many of us are confused. We don't know where we fit in. We continue to allow our worth and self-esteem to be determined by what we do and what others think of us, and not by who we are in Christ. Looking back at our past, we may continue to classify ourselves as losers. We may condition ourselves to fail. Our low self-esteem keeps us from becoming winners and causes extreme stress and anxiety.

As we mature, matters get worse. The stressful lives we lead give us no satisfaction, and the stress compounds our problems. Our fears and insecurities increase, creating a sense of panic. Some of us revert to abusing mood-altering substances such as drugs, alcohol, or food to relieve our tension. In more subtle ways, we may bury ourselves in church activities, work, relationships, or other addictive/compulsive behaviors to try to combat the anxieties that seem to overwhelm us. When we come to grips with ourselves and realize that our lives are just one big roller-coaster ride, we are ready for Step One. We have no alternative but to admit that we are powerless and that our lives have become unmanageable. When we begin to recognize the seriousness of our condition, it is important that we seek help to stop the roller-coaster.

Step One forms the foundation for working the other steps. In this vital encounter with the circumstances of our lives, we admit our powerlessness and accept the unmanageability of our lives. Surrendering to this idea is not an easy thing to do. Although our behavior has caused us nothing but stress and pain, it is difficult to let go and trust that things will work out well. We may experience confusion, drowsiness, sadness, sleeplessness, or turmoil. These are normal responses to the severe inner struggles we are experiencing. It is important to remember that sur¬render requires great mental and emotional energy as well as determination. Do not give up. A new life of freedom awaits us.

LOOKING TO SCRIPTURE

In Step One, we come to grips with the reality of our lives. Perhaps for the first time, we finally admit defeat and recognize that we need help. In looking at Step One, we see it has two distinct parts. The first part is the admission that we have obsessive traits. Those traits appear in the way we try to manipulate the affairs of our lives to ease the inner pain of separateness from God. We are in the grip of an addictive process that has rendered us powerless over our behavior. The second part is the admission that our lives have been, and will continue to be, unmanageable if we insist on living by our own will.

I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes. PS. 6:6-7

When we fall away from the plan God has for us, our despair, chaos, and disorder can cause us to feel physically sick and may result in serious illness.

Our self-serving pride cries out against the idea of personal powerlessness and giving up control. We have been accustomed to accepting full responsibility for all that happens in our lives and also in the lives of others. Some of us take on the role of being overly responsible while others of us withdraw and become very irresponsible. Until we reach an intolerable threshold of pain; we will be unable to take the first step toward liberation and renewed strength. The fact that we are powerless is a truth we must realize before we can totally surrender.

This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. DEUT. 30:19-20

We choose life when we become willing to look at ourselves and our lives honestly, and to seek the help we need for our healing to begin.

As we begin to accept the reality of our condition, we naturally reach out to others for answers. We feel like timid spiritual beginners and wonder why the quality of life we are seeking has escaped us. Friends may tell us, "Read your Bible" or "Pray about it." Some may suggest we talk with our minister. No matter how many outside sources we seek, there will be no relief for us until we, by ourselves, acknowledge our powerlessness. Only then will we begin to see that Step One is the beginning of a way out.

The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know. 1 COR. 8:2

Convincing ourselves that our lives are working successfully is a form of denial that prevents us from seeing our condition as it really is.

Step One is an ongoing commitment. We must remember that our damaging traits, habits, and behaviors are a part of us. They are unconscious reactions to the stresses of life. As we notice self-defeating behaviors and reactions surface, we can admit our powerlessness and seek God's help.

That day...they took him along...in the boat. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat... Jesus was...sleeping on a cushion. The disciples...said to him, "...don't you care if we drown?" He...said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was...calm. He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" MARK 4:35-40

Lack of trust and fear of the unknown contribute to our feeling of powerlessness.

The second part of Step One, admitting that our lives are unmanageable, is as difficult as acknowledging that we are powerless. We can become more observant of the thoughts and behaviors we still rely upon from our past as a way to hide the truth about ourselves today. We need to be totally honest, drop the disguises, and see things as they really are. When we stop finding excuses for our behavior, we will have taken the first step toward achieving the humility we need to accept spiritual guidance. It is through this spiritual guidance that we can begin to rebuild ourselves and our lives.

"I am the true vine and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruits he trims clean so that it will be even more fruitful. JOHN 15:1-2

Realizing that we have nonproductive behaviors that damage our health helps us understand why and how our lives have become unmanageable.

A physical disease can only begin to be healed when we acknowledge its presence. In a similar way, the spiritual healing of our obsessive/compulsive behavior begins when we acknowledge the problem behavior. In Mark 10:51, it was obvious to others that Bartimaeus was blind. However, he openly asked Christ to heal his blindness. Until we realize this truth, our progress toward recovery will be blocked. Our healing begins when we are willing to acknowledge our problems.

When he came to his senses, he said, "How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death!" LUKE 15:17

When we truly see the reality of our lives and acknowledge our need for help, we invite our Lord into our lives; then the healing process begins.

As we progress through the Steps, we will discover that true and lasting change does not happen by trying to alter our life conditions. Although it is tempting to think so, outside adjustments cannot correct inside problems. Extraordinary healing requires surrendering the belief that we can heal our lives by manipulating our environment. Our willingness to work the Steps will enable us to begin our true healing, which starts on the inside.

"I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."
ROM. 7:18-20

No matter how sincere our intentions, we are often powerless to change our behaviors.

By growing in faith, we become aware that we are not alone. Our Lord said he will not leave us comfortless for he has sent his Holy Spirit. In time, we will come to know his constant presence. For now, each day is a new opportunity to admit our powerlessness and the unmanageability of people, events, and things in our lives.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 COR. 12:9-10

When we give up our struggle for control and put our lives into God's hands, we find his strength sufficient for every need.

As we begin our journey toward recovery by working the Twelve Steps, old truthsowill have new meaning for us. We will know what it means when we say we can never be separated from the love of God. Our faith in God and our emerging faith in ourselves and others will sustain us in the steps ahead. This faith serves to strengthen us as we experience the inevitable pain and suffering that our rigorous self-examination will cause. It is the only way out for us—the only way to a new life in Christ. For now, we need only focus on our powerlessness.

He who trusts in himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe. PROV. 28:26

We cannot rely on our will alone; we also must rely on the strength of God working through us.

KEY IDEAS

Powerless: In Step One we discover that recovery begins with an admission that we are powerless. We admit that we do not have the power to live life as God intends.

Unmanageable: We have tried to manage our lives and the lives of others. However, our management has always met with failure. In Step One we admit that we cannot control or manage our lives any longer.

Dysfunction: If something is functioning normally we understand that it is running the way it is supposed to run. However, dysfunction implies that the function is "impaired" or "abnormal." The Greek prefix dys implies "unlucky" or "dangerous." Those of us in recovery understand all too well that our lives have fit these descriptions. We have not been living life as God intended. The functioning of our lives has been ill, bad, unlucky, and even dangerous. Our lives have been dysfunctional.

The 12 Steps for Christians

Barry Justice — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 20:39:04 GMT

STEP TWO

Came to believe that a power greater than
ourselves could restore us to sanity.

For it is God who works in you to will and
to act according to his good purpose.
(PHIL. 2:13)

Understanding Step Two

"I looked at the white, turbulent waters of the river and melted inside. Any courage I had mustered seeped through my sweating pores. My legs turned to spaghetti at the thought of taking the inflated raft down the rapids—all in the name of fun. Then the river guide, who would steer and command our raft, began to speak. He sounded so sure of himself, so confident that everything would be fine. He gave us instructions, taught us the commands, made us laugh, and even put me at ease. It was crazy, I guess, but I trusted him to make this insane river ride a safe and enjoyable experience."

Step Two is about faith—trust and believing. Faith isn't intellectualized—it just is. Faith isn't manufactured—it's from God. Faith isn't earned—it's a gift. Faith isn't optional—it's a must. Many turbulent and troubled waters await us in our recovery. God knows that, and he prepares us by placing faith in our hearts. When we finally look to God, we will have the faith to believe he is there.

Working Step Two

Step One, if worked properly, leaves us feeling empty. We are left saying, "If I am powerless and cannot manage my life, who can?" God can! God begins to show us his ability by putting a simple seed of faith in our hearts. That seed is simply a growing confidence that someone else, far greater than ourselves, will take charge. Step Two helps us acknowledge the seed of faith that God has given us.

Preparing for Step Two

We prepare for Step Two by acknowledging that we don't know everything about our Higher Power. Many of us have a distorted view of God. We may believe that God is like our abusive or absent parents or significant others. We may believe that God doesn't care how we feel, that he is cruel and waiting to judge us. We may have been threatened with God's punishment all our lives. "The distorted images that parents place in our hearts and minds carry directly over to our image of God. We grow up feeling that God sees us as our parents did. And so, we grow up seeing ourselves and our God through distorted eyes. " Preparing for Step Two requires that we set aside our old images and mistaken beliefs about God.

Prayer for Step Two

I pray for an open mind so I may come to believe in a power greater than myself. I pray for humility and the continued opportunity to increase my faith. I don't want to be crazy any more.

With the help of Step One we came to grips with the fact that we are powerless and our lives are unmanageable. Our next step is to acknowledge the existence of a power greater than ourselves. Believing in God does not always mean that we accept his power. As Christians, we know God, but do not necessarily invite his power into our lives. In Step Two, we have an opportunity to experience God in a different light. Jesus said in John 14:26 that the Holy Spirit would be sent in his name to teach us and remind us of all he has said. In Step Two, we begin to reestablish our relationship, or, establish a relationship with God for the first time. This step gives us an opportunity to experience faith in a power greater than ourselves. This connection will grow and become a vital part of our daily lives.

For many of us, this step presents major obstacles. Since we find it hard to trust others, the loneliness of our present condition causes us to fall back on our own resources. We may even doubt that God can heal us or even be interested in doing so. Unless we let go of our distrust and begin to lean on God, we will continue to operate in an insane manner. The chaos and confusion of our lives will only increase.

Depending on our religious background, some of us may have been taught that God is an authority to be feared. We never saw him as a loving God. As children, we were anxious and feared doing something wrong. Sometimes the threat of being punished by God was used by adults to control our childish behavior. Our fear of displeasing God magnified our growing sense of guilt and shame. As adults, we continue to fear people in authority and are often overcome by guilt and shame for simple misdeeds.

We still may be harboring childhood anger at God because he often disappointed us. Due to the severity of our experiences, some of us rejected God because he did not relieve our pain. Despite our belief that God is with us,
in moments of fear we doubt his presence. Even those who are dealing with their problems and are in contact with their Higher Power experience moments of doubt. In Step Two, our goal is to believe that God, a power greater than ourselves, can guide us in our journey toward peace and healing.

For some of us, belief in self-will and our ability to manage our own lives is all we have. We perceive God as a crutch for children and weak-willed individuals who are incapable of managing their own lives. As we begin to see God's true nature, a weight is lifted from our shoulders. We begin to view life from a different perspective.
One of the great paradoxes of Christianity is that man is never completely free until he totally yields to God. In John 8:32, Jesus made a promise when he said, "You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free." In this step, we begin to recognize that God does, in fact, have the power and intention to alter the course of our lives. In the scriptures, we are assured of God's presence within us. We are shown that through him all things are possible. If we harce accepted the truth regarding our condition and have come to believe in our Higher Power, we are well on our way to true spiritual freedom.

Step Two is called "The Hope Step." It gives us new hope as we begin to see that help is available to us. We must simply reach out and accept what our Higher Power has to offer. It is here that we form the foundation for growth of our spiritual life, which will help us become the person we want to be. All we need to do is be willing to believe that a power greater than ourselves is waiting to be our personal salvation. What follows is a process that will bring this power into our lives and enable us to grow in love, health, and grace.

LOOKING TO SCRIPTURE

Coming to believe in a power greater than ourselves requires faith. In the past, we have placed our faith in our own abilities to run our lives, and that faith has proven worthless. It was misplaced and never did for us what we thought it would. Now we need to actively place our faith in God. At first, it may seem unrealistic to place our faith in a power we cannot see or touch. Yet the very existence of our universe in all its glory gives ample evidence of the true power, love, and majesty of the God we seek.

Helpful Hint: Read Step Two Devotional on "Hope in Faith" from Heb. 11:1-10, Life Recovery Bible.

Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side...but the boat was ...buffeted by the waves... During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. ..."Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat and walked on the water to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God." MATT. 14:22-34

Relying on a power greater than ourselves will give us confidence and hope.

Faith grows through practice. Each time we sense faith and act upon it, our faith becomes stronger. Every time we ask our Higher Power for help and receive it, our faith is strengthened. We will finally accept the fact that God is dependable and will never leave us. All we need to do is ask for help and trust in his power.

He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." MATT. 17:20

With our smallest first step to God, we will experience the comfort he has promised us.
Faith is like a mustard seed. It begins small and grows to influence our lives. To think that little faith is sufficient is wrong. Small mustard seed faith, is just the beginning. Growing, developing, and maturing faith is what we want.

"If you can?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief?" MARK 9:23-24

Regardless of our past stuggles, we must realize that God's power, not our own, ensures our success.

One great secret of learning to have faith is found in the joyful revelation that the Spirit of God is always within us. God wants to share an intimate relationship with us. God declares that he will never leave us or forsake us. He will be as close to us as we allow him to be.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken. Evil will slay the wicked; the foe of the righteous will be condemned. The Lord redeems his servants; no one who takes refuge in him will be condemned. Ps. 34:18-22

Even though we have rejected him in the past, God will always be close to us and mend our broken spirit.
We begin to trust our Higher Power as we develop a closer relationship with Jesus Christ. We also begin to rely on him to help us become aware of the extent of our disabling condition. Step Two implies that we are insane. A common definition of insanity in the program is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results each time. In this sense, we can see our behavior as insane. We still may be blaming everyone and everything for our condition instead of taking responsibility for our own behavior. Or we may still be struggling to control others in order to improve our own lives.

Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 2 COR. 1:9

However desperate we may be, God's power will relieve our depression and lead us to a new life.

Our traumatic childhood experiences caused us to become defiant, indifferent, resentful, self-deluded, and self-centered. Our adult lives need to be restored to a more balanced state. We can find that balance if we are willing to believe that God's Holy Spirit is a power greater than ourselves and that he can restore us to sanity. When we attempt to do it alone, we often deceive ourselves by looking to outside sources for the causes of our problems. With the help of Christ, these deceitful behaviors can be healed from the inside out. For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. PHIL. 2:13

God can restore us to wholeness and free us from the hurt and pain of our past.

One way God helps us see our condition clearly is to bring us into contact with others who share experiences similar to ours. It becomes evident, when sharing our stories in meetings and through fellowship, that each of us can maintain "emotional sobriety" only one day at a time. Also, God helps us realize that actions destructive to ourselves or to others are not acceptable. As we become more dependent on God's power, the quality of our lives will improve and serenity will begin to replace our anxiety.

Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. 2 COR. 3:5

If we trust him, our Lord will lead us out of the despair we feel when we recognize the dysfunction in our lives.

When we started this program, we may have been expecting instant results. From our childhood, we remember feeling anger or confusion when things didn't happen "right now." In this program, sudden change is the exception, not the rule. It requires patience and perseverance to achieve the recovery we seek. Each of us is unique, and recovery begins for each of us at different stages in the steps. Some of us may experience instant relief, whereas others may not begin to feel stronger until later in the program. There is no rule or guideline. Progress occurs at the most appropriate time.

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. ISA. 40:28-31

We must work to set aside our impatience and frustration, believing that God will give us sufficient strength to meet our needs.

Step Two suggests a restoration to sanity. Humility is required to allow this state of mind to unfold. For most of us, lack of humility contributed to our present situation. Humility is a spiritual virtue that we develop with God's help. Developing humility is a recurrent theme of the program. We become humble as we are slowly able to relinquish our pride, self-will, and defiance. In Philippians 2:5 we are told, "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus." And Jesus' attitude was one of obedience to do his Father's will, to submit to his Father's plan and power.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, .. .neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. ROM. 8:38-39

Neither our pride nor any evil can put us beyond the reach of Gods love for us.

When we become ready to accept our powerlessness and unmanageability (Step One), and when we trust our Higher Power, Jesus Christ, to restore us to sanity (Step Two), we will be ready to make a decision to turn our lives over to the care of God (Step Three). There is no need to rush the process of working the steps. The important thing is to heed the Bible's admonition that "the hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber" (Rom. 13:11). We move forward in faith so we will be able to proceed with the remaining steps. To move forward we need not understand what lies ahead. We only need to trust that God knows the way and he loves us.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. ISA. 41:10

Our deepening spiritual strength reminds us of God's constant presence in our lives.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. JOHN 3:16-17

Seen in the light of God's love, the Twelve Steps are a pathway to our wholeness and salvation.

KEY IDEAS

Higher Power: Because Step One has helped us understand our powerlessness, we need a power beyond ourselves to help and heal us. God is so great and merciful that he does not require that we name him precisely. God is even willing to be anonymous for a time. Remember how God led the Three Wise Men from the East to Christ? The Wise Men did not know the God of Israel or Jesus. They worshiped the stars. So God used a star to lure them. In a similar way, God leads many to himself through the idea of a "Higher Power" in Twelve-Step programs. In Step Two we need to come to believe that there is a loving Higher Power who is willing to help us.

Belief. Belief in something or someone is more than acknowledging that something or someone exists. For example, the Bible says that the demons in Hell believe that God exists, yet that belief doesn't save them (James 2:19). Belief that saves implies trust and commitment. It is one thing to believe that a chair will hold my weight. It is another thing to sit in it. When I sit in the chair, I truly believe in it. In Step Two we come to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity. We do more than acknowledge God's existence: We begin to exercise trust in him to hold us.

The 12 Steps for Christians

Barry Justice — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 20:40:01 GMT

STEP THREE

Made a decision to turn our will
and our lives over to the care of
God as we understood him.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of
God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living
sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—
which is your spiritual worship.
(ROM. 12:1)

Understanding Step Three

Can you imagine the insanity of trying to perform surgery on ourselves? At the first hint of pain from the scalpel, we would stop. Healing would never happen. It is just as insane to think that we can manage our own recovery. We must put our lives into the hands of our Higher Power. God alone knows what is needed for healing. In Step Three we decide to turn the scalpel over to God. We decide to ask him to take control of our will and our lives.

Working Step Three

We work Step Three by going through a decision-making process. Think of other big decisions that we have made in our lives. For example, when making a decision about buying a house, we consider such things about the house as cost, location, condition, etc. We also take into consideration things about ourselves such as our ability to pay, housing needs, personal preferences, etc. Finally, when all things have been weighed, we make a decision. In a similar way we work Step Three. We consider how well the present management of our lives is going. We consider our needs, God's ability, the future. We take time to contemplate the changes. And finally, we make a decision that God is the only one able to manage our lives, that his will for us is best.

Preparing for Step Three

We prepare for Step Three by thoroughly doing Steps One and Two. If we are not convinced that we are powerless and that our lives are unmanageable, we are not ready for Step Three. This step will be difficult if we have not come to believe that God can restore us to sanity and is able to care for us. We prepare for Step Three by fully accepting our powerlessness and our inability to manage our lives. We also prepare by allowing God to plant seeds of faith in our hearts. When those things are in place, Ste, Three comes easily.

Prayer for Step Three

Lord,
I surrender to you my entire life, O God of my understanding.
I have made a mess of it
trying to run it myself.
You take, the whole thing,
and run it for me,
According to your will and plan.

Step Three is the central theme of all the steps. It is the point at which we make a decision to turn our
will and our lives over to the care of God. Step Three is an important cornerstone for building an effective and peaceful life. In Steps One and Two we established the basis for turning our lives over to the care of God. The commitment we now make in Step Three must be repeated more than once. Actually, we are just beginning to turn things over to God. Repeated working of the first three Steps helps to build a solid foundation for working the total program.

Many of us come to this program with strong negative perceptions about the world in which we live. Those perceptions may be based on hurtful childhood experiences, misguided academic training, or simply the accumulated lessons of our lives. Because of other past experiences, we may have perceived God to be unloving and judgmental. If we have experienced extreme violence as children, we may find it hard to trust anyone or anything—even God. Whatever the source, our recovery is hindered if our beliefs make it difficult to let go of our fear and surrender our lives to God. In Step Three, we decide to take the leap of faith and put our lives in his hands.

Biblical figures often resisted following God's will. The Bible illustrates some examples of doing God's will when it didn't make any sense. Yet, the end result showed it was wise to follow God's guidance. Such acts of faith are exemplified by Moses as he led the nation of Israel into the wilderness and by Abraham's willingness to sacrifice his son Isaac. Also, despite criticism of his contemporaries, Noah built the ark. The essence of these actions is summarized in Hebrews 11:6: "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."

Until now, our inaccurate perceptions of reality have led us into many compulsive/obsessive behaviors. Admitting our responsibility for these dysfunctions is often too difficult. It implies that we have not been "good people." Denial is our only recourse. Our denial acts as a shield against confronting ourselves as we really are. When denial is at work, it is like a shuttered window, closing out the sunlight. In Step Three, we begin the process of opening the shutters and allowing God's light to enter. God's word is a source of light with which we can examine our behavior and understand reality.

Step Three is an affirmative step. It is time to make a decision. In the first two steps, we became aware of our condition and accepted the idea of a power greater than ourselves. Although we began to know and trust God, we may find it difficult to give God total control of our lives. However, if the alternative is to face the loss of people or things vital to our lives, such as family, job, health, or sanity, God's guidance might be easier to accept. Our lives may have many beautiful and rewarding relationships that are being ruined by our addictive/compulsive behavior. We must not be discouraged by these discoveries. Instead, we can allow these discoveries to prompt our surrender to God.

As we begin to allow God's will to act in our lives, our self-destructive tendencies become fewer and much less distracting. Often, the confusion and grief we cause ourselves and others prevent us from successfully working and practicing the steps. Making the decision to begin this journey to health is an act of great importance and should not be made in a time of emotional upheaval. The key elements in Step Three are making the decision with a clear and rational mind, being committed to that decision, and, finally, trusting the outcome to God.
As we surrender our lives and stop carrying the burdens of our past, we will begin to feel better about ourselves.

The more we learn to trust in the Lord, the more we will trust ourselves and extend that trust to others. Our decision to choose God's way will restore us to the fullness of life. As we free ourselves from our self-will, we in turn free ourselves from much of our negative behaviors, and we are able to deal more effectively with the daily routine of our lives. Our impatience and irritability dissipate as we come to know God's love and yearn to share it with others. Our lives transform into a dynamic relationship with God. We become the persons he meant for us to be—full citizens in his kingdom.

LOOKING TO SCRIPTURE

In Step Three, we make an important decision. It is time to acknowledge our need for God's guidance in our lives. We make the decision to surrender our lives to God's care. God becomes our new manager, and we accept life on his terms. He offers us a way to live that is free from the emotional pollution of our past, allowing us to enjoy new and wonderful experiences. Step Three provides us with an opportunity to turn away from behavior that fosters addiction, discouragement, sickness, and fear.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. PROV. 3:5-6

When we trust in the Lord and not in ourselves, his guidance will straighten our path.

Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.
PS. 143: 10-11

The guidance of the Holy Spirit will bring us peace.

Many of us begin the Step Three process by deciding to turn over only certain parts of our lives. We are willing to surrender the most difficult problems when we see they are making our lives unmanageable. We cling to other areas of our lives because we think we can manage them. We eventually realize that we cannot barter with God. We must be prepared to surrender our entire will and every part of our lives to his care if we want to recover. When we are truly able to accept this fact, our journey to wholeness has begun.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—which is your spiritual worship. ROM. 12:1

Surrendering our will and turning our lives over to God's care will relieve our stress and anxiety.
Step Three may make us feel we are losing our identity. We may think we are going to lose everything. Not knowing what is going to happen is frightening. Most of us have tried desperately to control our environment. Many of these behavior traits were developed during childhood and came about as a direct result of the circumstances in which we were raised. Deep within us may be a fearful childhood memory and a trembling child, anxious about someone's anger, criticism, threats, or violence. As children, we tried to fix or take care of the people around us so they would not abandon us, leaving us with only broken promises and shattered dreams. As a result, we reinforced in ourselves a host of undesirable tendencies such as caretaking, controlling, and an overdeveloped sense of responsibility.

Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God. JOHN 1:12-13

Our childhood relationship with God is still an influence we must deal with in learning to trust that our true Father is God. The conditions in which we were raised often kept us from ever trusting in God. Our prayers may have been unanswered, and we could not imagine how a loving God could be so cruel to us. Step Three is an opportunity to start over.

As we work the Steps, we will get in touch with memories of childhood hurts. We also will begin to experience God's healing love, which transcends time, to repair the damage that has been done. Jesus told us that we must become like children to enter the Kingdom of God. This statement helps us recognize that a childlike state will enable us to regain our capacity to give and receive unconditional love. Thus, we can look forward to a return of childlike spontaneity, and a growing capacity to give and receive love and nurturing

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." MA1 1. 11:28-30

The Lord wants us to give him the burdens of guilt and shame we have carried with us since childhood.

Learning to trust in God and accept his support will enhance the quality of our lives. We will no longer feel the need to carry our burdens by ourselves. Much of the pain of our past is a result of feeling totally alone. With God's presence, our sense of self-esteem will improve, and we will begin to recognize that we are worthwhile human beings. Our capacity to receive and give love will increase, and we will come to place great value on fellowship and sharing.

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes. PS. 118:8-9

Our growing trust in God will give us courage to extend love to ourselves and others. Christ exemplified the concept of "turning it over" by acceptance of his Father's will, which led to the Cross and the victory of resurrection. During his life on earth, Jesus' love for us led him into constant confrontations with the forces of evil. He was strong and steadfast in those confrontations because he placed his trust in his Heavenly Father. But Jesus had confrontations of a different nature: confrontations within himself. He struggled with doing God's will because it wasn't always the easy way. Even Jesus expressed his struggle in prayer, yet he always yielded to his Father's will because he knew it was best.

Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will." MATT, 26:39

Whatever trials we face, we are not alone. We are united with God through Christ, whose love always triumphs over evil. In this life, we too have crosses to bear. Some of us still may be experiencing the powerful impact of our history of disabling behavior. Whether our addiction is drugs, destructive relationships, sex, alcohol, money, or food, we face the possibility of spiritual as well as physical death. As we turn away from these temptations, we accept God's offer to cast our burdens upon him.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. GAL,2:20

When Christ lives in us, we can acknowledge and defeat temptation.

When we develop a daily routine of working Step Three, a change will come over us. We will be calmer and feel less responsible for everything and everybody. Peace and serenity will come to us in measures never before experienced. Our eyes will be opened, and we will have a fresh start in life. We will become increasingly aware that God is guiding us. People around us may notice that we have become more confident and trustworthy.
Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. PROV, 16:3

God leads us to victory over the trials of this life, so that we may experience success through his strength,
No matter how far we progress in recovery, we must continually turn our lives over to the care of God and be vigilant. It is foolish for us not to anticipate relapses. We need only to recognize this, and to willingly work the program on a daily basis. It is especially important to continue to practice Step Three. Our willingness to trust in God ensures our victory. Without it, we resort to our old survival techniques and traits, and we place ourselves back in control.

I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. JOHN 14:12-13

The improvements we begin to see in our lives are the first fruits of the goodness God has in store for us.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord.
JER. 29:11-14

When working Step Three, we discover the depth of God's love for us and understand that through him all things are possible.

Thousands of people seeking to experience peace, serenity, and fellowship with the Lord have walked this same path. Our task is to continually ask God for guidance. We receive his guidance by personal invitation. Jesus said, "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat [fellowship] with him, and he with me." (Rev. 3:20) All we need to do is open the door of our hearts to Christ. The following prayer can help our relationship with Christ and strengthen our daily walk:

Lord Jesus,
I turn my will and my life over to you.
Mold me and do with me as you will.
I trust you to guide my steps, and
I enter the world with hope that I may better do your will.
I ask for your forgiveness and acceptance.
I welcome your Holy Spirit's power, love,
and guidance in everything I do. Amen.

KEY IDEAS

Turn It Over: This phrase of surrender is a key idea for Step Three. Imagine turning over your car keys to someone else. Think of turning over a job or a responsibility to a more capable person. People who have been in the program for any length of time talk about turning over problems and daily troubles to their Higher Power. For those of us who are working Step Three for the first time, we are turning over our will and our lives to God's care. Whatever imagery you choose, let the meaning always be the same: the surrender of your will and life. Turn it over. Give God control.

Self-will: Self-will is the determination within us all to control our own lives. Self-will in itself is not wrong; God has given us the power to choose. The problem with choice occurs when our will conflicts with God's. Our choices have brought us pain, hardships, addictions, compulsions, and self-defeating behaviors. God's will for our lives brings us hope, healing, and peace. His plans are good. Our self-will is best exercised in choosing surrender to God.

The 12 Steps for Christians

Barry Justice — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 20:41:10 GMT

STEP FOUR

Made a searching and fearless
moral inventory of ourselves.

Let us examine our ways and test them,
and let us return to the Lord.
(LAM. 3:40)

Understanding Step Four

If we lived alone and were unable to see, we would be faced with a number of special needs. For example, we might find it difficult to clean our home thoroughly by ourselves. We might ask a sighted friend to come over and help. This friend would see areas in need of cleaning that we had missed. Our friend would point these problems out and then, we hope, help us clean them.

In Step Four we realize there are areas of our lives that need attention. We also realize that we cannot see all those areas. Denial has kept us blinded to the dirt in our corners. Low self-esteem has kept us ignorant about the beauty and worth of our lives. In this step, our Higher Power comes to us as a caring friend. God opens our eyes to the weaknesses in our lives that need changing and helps us to build on our strengths.

Working Step Four

Just as any business would take inventory of its stock, we take inventory of our lives in Step Four. With clipboard in hand, we walk down the aisles of our lives and note areas of weakness and strength. When we come to relationships, we take stock of the resentments and grudges, but we also examine our loving and healthy relationships. When we come to our communication, we note the lies, but we also list the positive ways we share with others. In this process we can look to God for guidance. He knows the contents of our warehouse far better than we do.

Preparing for Step Four

We prepare for Step Four by recognizing the fact that, to some degree, denial has been operating in our lives. We prepare by asking God for the courage to face those areas that have been protected by denial. And we prepare for Step Four by planning to nurture ourselves during and after the inventory process.

Prayer for Step Four

Dear God,
It is I who have made my life a mess. I have done it, but I cannot undo it. My mistakes are mine, and I will begin a searching and fearless moral inventory. I will write down my wrongs, but I will also include that which is good. I pray for the strength to complete the task.

Step Four begins the growth steps of our journey. Here, we examine our behavior and expand our under
standing of ourselves. The adventure of self-discovery begins with Step Four and continues through Step Seven. During these next four steps, we will prepare a personal inventory, discuss it with others in the program, and invite God to remove our shortcomings. Being totally honest in preparing our inventory is vital to the self-discovery that forms the foundation of our recovery. This honesty allows us to remove the obstacles that have prevented us from knowing ourselves and truthfully acknowledging our deepest feelings about life.

Step Four helps us get in touch with our "shadow," that part of us that we have hidden away for so long—our repressed nature. In the process of making our inventory, we will develop and broaden our understanding of our behavior. We will see that our "shadow" is an integral part of our nature and must be accepted by us. This part of our nature hides our resentments, fears, and other repressed feelings. As we begin to see ourselves, we will learn to accept our whole character—the good and the bad. This acceptance will free us to discover survival behaviors that began in childhood. In the context of our turbulent early years, these behaviors were lifesaving. However, their continuation into our adulthood renders us dysfunctional.

Denial is a key survival skill that we learned early in childhood. It stunted our emotional growth by keeping us in a make-believe world. We often fantasized that our situation was better than it really was. Denial protected us from our feelings and helped us repress the pain of our family environment. Our shame and guilt caused us to be silent, rather than to be honest and face the fear of being ridiculed by others. This withdrawal hindered us from developing into mature, emotionally healthy adults. As our self-discovery unfolds, we begin to recognize the role that denial has played in our lives. This realization is the basis for our acceptance of the truth of our personal history.

Resentment and fear are two issues that need to be dealt with before we can begin the process of preparing our inventory. Our resentment toward people, places, and things that have injured us keeps us preoccupied and limits our ability to live in the present moment. Resentment results from hiding the bitter hurts that have tarnished our lives. It evokes anger, frustration, and depression. When our resentments are unresolved, we risk developing severe physical and mental illnesses.

Fear limits our ability to be rational. When fear is present, it is difficult to see situations in their true perspective. Fear is the root of other repressive and painful feelings. It prevents us from expressing ourselves honestly and stops us from responding in appropriate ways to threatening situations. So to change our behavior, we must first face and accept our fears. By acknowledging our fearful nature, we can expect a temporary loss of self-esteem; fortunately, this will return as we become more willing to rely on God.

Preparing our inventory requires that we look to God for guidance. We renewed our relationship to our Higher Power in Steps Two and Three, and now we ask God for help. We will look closely at our personal histories and acknowledge what we see in them. As the process unfolds, we will recognize the need for change. This task will be much easier if we just remember that God is with us. With God's help, we can courageously review our strengths and our weaknesses.

Step Four gives us the opportunity to recognize that certain skills, acquired in childhood, may be inappropriate in our adult lives. Blaming others for our misfortunes, denying responsibility for hurtful behavior, and resisting the truth are behavior patterns we must discard. These particular learned behaviors were developed early in life and have become character defects. We look at them now and feel troubled. Painful memories may return. Our willingness to be honest about what we uncover will give us the clarity of mind that is vital for our continued recovery.

Putting our thoughts on paper is valuable and necessary when completing Step Four. The process of writing focuses our wandering thoughts and allows us to concentrate on what is really happening. It often causes repressed feelings to surface and gives us a deeper understanding of ourselves and our behavior. We need to accept whatever we discover, knowing that this discovery is merely another step toward a healthier life. We must be honest and thorough to complete Step Four successfully. With God's help and our personal courage, we can expect to receive limitless benefits.

LOOKING TO SCRIPTURE

Denial stems from our childhood environment, which we were unable to control. This was our way of dealing with the confusion, instability, and violence of the adults around us. We rationalized what was happening and invented acceptable reasons for their unacceptable behavior. By doing this, we ignored the chaos and denied the overwhelming problems. As we matured, our denial continued to protect us from the need to face reality.

"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? "I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve." JER. 17:9-10

Attempting to survive the chaos by denying its existence fosters deceit and illusion.

The power of denial is illustrated in the Bible when Peter denies Christ. Because of his great love for Christ, Peter thought it inconceivable that he could deny Christ. However, when Peter was confronted with the situation, it was easier for him to deny Christ than it was to admit being a follower and face the consequences. When Peter realized what he had done, he was devastated. In much the same way, when we realize what denial has done to us, we experience feelings of self-hatred, which need to be acknowledged and resolved.

While Peter was below in the courtyard, one of the servant ...saw Peter warming himself... "You also were with that Nazarene, Jesus," she said. But he denied it...and went out into the entry way. When the servant saw him there, she said again to those standing around, "this fellow is one of them. "...He began to call down curses on himself, and swore... Immediately the rooster crowed.. And
he broke down and wept. MARK 14:66-72

When we fear the consequences of telling the truth, we are inclined to tell lies.
Denial has many faces and can be easily masked. Some recognizable forms are:

Simple Denial: To pretend that something does not exist when it really does (e.g., discounting physical symptoms that may suggest the presence of problems).

Minimizing: To acknowledge a problem, but refuse to see its severity (e.g., admitting to an overusage of prescription drugs when in fact there is overt addiction).

Blaming: To recognize the problem, then blame someone else for its cause (e.g., blaming others for your tendency to isolate).

Excusing: To offer excuses, alibis, justifications, and other explanations for our own or others' behavior (e.g., calling in sick for a partner when the actual cause of the absence is drunkenness).

Generalizing: To deal with problems on a general level, which typically avoids personal and emotional awareness of the situation or conditions (e.g., sympathizing with a friend's unemployment when you know the underlying cause is irresponsibility).

Dodging: To change the subject to avoid threatening topics (e.g., talking about the weather when your spouse is discussing the overdrawn checkbook).

Attacking: To become angry when reference is made to the existing condition, thus avoiding the issue (e.g., arguing about work conditions when the boss addresses tardiness).

If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load. GAL. 6:3-5

Our pride can limit our capacity to be honest and is a critical element in making our searching and fearless moral inventory.

Taking a personal inventory is similar to cleaning a closet. We take stock of what we have, examine what we want to save, and discard what is no longer useful or appropriate.

It doesn't have to be done all at once, but it must be done eventually. If we take small sections at a time, the cleaning is more thorough and the longterm results are better. In the same way that clothes can trigger memories of the past, our inventory may provoke both positive and negative memories. We must remember that the past is only history. It is not the purpose of our inventory to dwell on the past. Nor is it to examine the past for purposes of assigning or accepting blame. This reflection is only a tool to help us understand our current behavior patterns. Reflection on the past can give us insights into our present struggles and our enduring weaknesses. Our main concern now is for our future. We can lessen our fears surrounding this task by approaching the inventory in this manner.

Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord. LAM. 3:40

Personal examination of our lives will give us insight into the ways in which we have turned away from God and become self-destructive.

In Step Four, we will get in touch with many behaviors and attitudes that have been with us since childhood. Our growing awareness about the way we were raised will help us understand that our present behaviors are natural outgrowths of our early need to survive. As adults, we now can choose a different lifestyle for ourselves. We can learn to conduct ourselves in a way that is nurturing to us. As we look at our strengths and weaknesses, we will become aware of the areas of our lives that need to be strengthened. We can use the inventory to decide which areas of our lives need changing, and which areas seem the way we want them to be.

Search me, 0 God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thought. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way ev¬erlasting. PS. 139:23-24

We extend our trust in God by asking him to be part of our process of self-discovery.

Our next task is to look at resentment and recognize how damaging it is to us. It is the number one offender and often the major cause of spiritual disease. As we list our resentments, we see how they have affected our self-esteem, our well-being, and our personal relationships. Holding on to resentment causes stress, anxiety, and uncontrollable feelings of anger. If these are unresolved, serious emotional and physical consequences will develop. If we allow our resentments to prevail, serious depression can develop and ultimately destroy us.

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent, and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. JAMES 1:19-21

Resentment and anger keep us focused on the person or situation causing the negative feelings and prevent us from accepting God's promise of healing.

The second most destructive offender is fear. It is the emotion we most strongly feel when we begin to look at ourselves. When fear is present, our need to deny, ignore, and avoid reality increases. Our unrealistic perspective becomes greatly exaggerated and intensifies our emotional responses. Fear can cause us much pain. It attacks us physically and causes feelings that range from apprehension to panic. When fear is present, we may become nervous, nauseated, or disoriented. As we inventory our fears, we may discover that they are a direct result of our inability to make decisions.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 JOHN 4:18

The guilt and shame we feel about our past behaviors may inhibit our ability to conduct a thorough inventory. God's love for us will remove our fear.

Facing our resentments and fears requires a great deal of courage. Our past tendency has been to shut down our feelings. Now we begin to look at areas of our lives that we have never explored before. It is important to realize that God is with us and will help us every step of our way. With God's help and understanding, the pain will diminish.

Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test? And I trust that you will discover that we have not failed the test. 2 COR. 13:5-6

Our faith grows as we examine ourselves and see how Jesus Christ is present in our lives.

As part of the Step Four inventory, we will look at our character traits and see our strengths and weaknesses. Our strengths appear in behavior that has positive effects on us as well as on others, weaknesses are revealed in behavior that is destructive. Understanding begins when we discover how we became the people we are—how we formulated the ideas, beliefs, and attitudes that govern how we act.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
EPH. 4:31

Unexpressed feelings will contaminate the peace and serenity for which we strive.
Our inventory may prove difficult. If we are blocked, denial may be operating. We need to stop for a moment, reflect on what we are attempting to do, and analyze our feelings. We must also ask God for help. In times like this, God's presence means a gread deal to us, and we must be willing to look to him for support.
I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassion never fail. LAM. 3:19-22

God's love will lead us through the darkness of the past and into the light of a new life.

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. JAMES 1:12

Our courage grows as we complete our personal inventory and triumph over the temptation to avoid facing the truth of our past.

The inventory we are preparing is for our own benefit, not the benefit of others. It will help us make a major breakthrough in our self-acceptance and lead us further along the road to recovery. As we go to Steps Five, Six, and Seven, the process continues to unfold as we acknowledge the truth about ourselves, discuss it with others, and, finally, ask God to remove our shortcomings.

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy lan¬guage from your lips. COL. 3:5-8

Our Fourth Step inventory will help us realize how far we have strayed from God's way. It is our first step toward putting the past to rest.

KEY IDEAS

Moral Inventory: A moral inventory is a list of our weaknesses and our strengths. In this text the weaknesses are also referred to as wrongs, character defects, faults, and shortcomings. This inventory is something we prayerfully accomplish with God's help. It is for our benefit.

Survival Skills: Survival skills are those familiar defenses that we developed to protect ourselves from the chaos of our childhood homes. These early childhood survival skills followed us into adult life and added to our struggles.

Denial: Denial is a key survival skill that we learned in early childhood. We protect ourselves by pretending that nothing is wrong and that our lives are fulfilling. We ignore the real problems by replacing them with elaborate explanations, rationalizations, and distractions such as minimizing, blaming, excusing, generalizing, dodging, and attacking.

Resentment: Resentment is a major roadblock to recovery that must be removed. Resentment is the bitterness and anger we feel toward those whom we perceive as threats to our security or well-being or those who have caused us harm. If not removed, our resentments hinder our progress and growth.

Fear: Fear is often our first response to anything new. We meet change with fear because we feel threatened by so many things. Fear creates a physical response that begins with the release of adrenaline and ends with the whole body on alert. This alerted state often leads to persistent and unwanted tension and can develop into stress-related illness.

Shadow: Although "shadow" may sound odd or like unfamiliar Christian terminology, the idea of a battle between light and dark is a biblical truth. When St. John speaks of Christ's coming he describes Christ as light. The idea of darkness and shadow illustrates the evil side of this world and the corrupt nature in ourselves. "Shadow" refers to the darkness we carry within us. Just as our shadow follows our every move, our dark side or fallen nature is always with us. Our shadow is most evident when contrasted with the light of day. Our old, fallen nature is very noticeable when we stand beside God's light, the Bible. Take time to read John 1:1-9, Romans 7:7-25, and 1 John 1:5-7.

IMPORTANT GUIDELINES IN PREPARING YOUR INVENTORY

The materials offered in this Step Four Inventory Guide is different from the inventory guides used in other Twelve-Step programs. They emphasize those feelings and behaviors most commonly seen in adults from homes where substance abuse or other damage-inducing behavior was prevalent. When preparing your inventory, choose the traits that specifically apply to you. Don't tackle them all at once. For now, only work on the ones that you feel comfortable doing. Come back to the difficult ones later. Focus on recent events and record words and actions as accurately as possible. Take your time. It's better to be thorough with some than incomplete with all.

The inventory begins with exercises on resentments and fears, followed by a series of feelings and behaviors to be examined. This process prepares you for Step Five. You are the primary beneficiary of your honesty and thoroughness in this inventory. It is important to refrain from generalizing. Be as specific as possible.

Following the section on character weaknesses there is an opportunity to list your character strengths. This chapter also includes an "Additional Inventory" to record your weaknesses and strengths that were not listed in the text.

NOTE: Step Ten includes a special inventory to measure your progress from the Step Four inventory.

RESENTMENT

Resentment is an underlying cause of many forms of spiritual disease. Our mental and physical ills are frequently the direct result of this unhealthy condition. No doubt others have harmed us, and we have a legitimate right to feel resentful. However, resentment doesn't punish anyone but ourselves. We can't hold resentments and find healing at the same time. It's best released by asking God for the strength to forgive the offender. Learning to deal with resentment in a healthy way is an important part of our recovery process.

When we resent, we may be:
Feeling injured
Feeling left out
Feeling violated
Retaliating
Experiencing low self-worth
Angry/Bitter

Consider situations where resentment is a problem for you.
Example: I resent my boss because he doesn't care to hear my explanation of why I am depressed. This affects my self-esteem. This activates unexpressed anger. This makes me feel even more depressed.

Self-Evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does resentment negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little negative effect. Number ten in¬dicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today.

FEAR

Fear is an underlying cause of many forms of spiritual disease. It is the first response we feel when we aren't in control of a situation. A wide range of mental and physical ills are frequently the direct result of this unwholesome emotion. Fear often prevents us from seeing options to effectively resolve the issues causing the fear. Learning to acknowledge fear in a healthy way is an important part of our recovery process.

When we fear, we may be:
Feeling threatened
Resisting change
Fighting for survival
Facing our mortality
Experiencing rejection
Anticipating loss

Consider situations where fear is a problem for you.
Example: I fear my spouse because I feel that I am never able to please him/her. This affects my self-esteem and sexuality. This activates my fear of abandonment. This makes me feel worthless and angry.

Self-evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does fear negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little negative effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today.

INAPPROPRIATE ANGER

Anger is a major source of many problems in the lives of adults who were reared in chaotic homes. It is a feeling that we often suppress, because admitting it makes us uncomfortable. In our chaotic homes, the turmoil was so intense that we either denied our anger or expressed it inappropriately. We felt it was safer to protect ourselves and simply hoped our feelings would go away. We were not aware that repressed anger could lead to serious resentment and depression. It causes physical complications that can develop into stress-related illnesses. Denying anger or expressing it inappropriately causes problems in relationships because we cannot be truthful about our feelings and must always be pretending.

When we inappropriately express anger, we may experience:
Resentment
Depression
Self-Pity
Jealousy
Anxiety
Stress

Consider situations where anger is a problem for you.
Example: I inappropriately express anger toward my son because I am embarrassed by his behavior. This affects my self-worth. This activates my fear of rejection. This makes me feel imcompetent as a parent.

Self-Evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does anger negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little negative effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today.

APPROVAL SEEKING

Because of our dysfunctional upbringing, we fear disapproval and criticism. As children, we desperately wanted to receive approval from our parents, grandparents, siblings, and significant others. As a result we were constantly seeking validation of ourselves. This need for approval continued into adulthood and seriously affected the way we pattern our lives and thinking around the needs of others. Rather than look for approval in a positive way, we seek validation in order to feel better about ourselves. This keeps us out of touch with our own feelings and desires, and prevents us from discovering our own wants and needs. We look for reactions in others, and attempt to manage their impression of us. We constantly strive to please everyone and often stay in relationships that are destructive to us.

When we need approval from others, we may be:
People pleasing
Feeling unworthy
Fearing criticism
Ignoring our own needs
Fearing failure
Lacking confidence

Consider situations where approval seeking is a problem for you.
Example: I seek approval from my friends because I want to feel better about myself. This affects my relationship with my friends. This activates my fear of rejection. This makes me feel like I'm not important to anyone.

Self-evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does approval seeking negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little negative effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today.

CARETAKING

As children, we frequently assumed the responsibility for concerns and problems of others that were far beyond our capability to handle. As a result, we were deprived of a normal childhood. The unrealistic demands placed on us, and the praise we received for being "little adults," made us believe we had Godlike powers. Taking care of others boosted our self-esteem and made us feel indispensable. It gave purpose to our lives. As caretakers, we are most comfortable with chaotic situations where others assure us that we are needed. Although we often resent others for taking and not giving, we are unable to allow others to care for us. We don't experience the joy of taking care of ourselves.

As caretakers, we may:
Feel indispensable
Lose our identity
Rescue people
Feel very responsible
Ignore our own needs
Be co-dependent

Consider situations where caretaking is a problem for you.
Example: I take care of my boyfriend's financial problems because I want him to love me more. This affects available funds for my own financial needs. This activates my re¬sentment and tendency to withdraw. This makes me feel very lonely.

Self-evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does caretaking negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little negative effect. Number ten in¬dicates that it has little negative effect. Circle where you are today.

CONTROL

As children, we had little or no control over our environment or the events that took place in our lives. As adults, we have extraordinary needs to control our feelings and behavior, and we try to control the feelings and behavior of others. We become rigid and unable to have spontaneity in our lives. We trust only ourselves to complete a task or to handle a situation. We manipulate others in order to gain their approval and keep a balance of control that makes us feel safe. We fear that our lives will deteriorate if we give up our management position. We become stressed and anxious when our authority is threatened.

Due to our need to be in control, we may:
Overreact to change
Be judgmental and rigid
Lack trust
Be intolerant
Fear failure
Manipulate others

Consider situations where control is a problem for you.
Example: I control my nineteen-year-old son because I am afraid of losing him. This affects my relationship with him. This activates my fear of abandonment. This makes me feel very frightened and powerless.

Self-evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does control negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little negative effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today.

FEAR OF ABANDONMENT

Fear of abandonment is a reaction to stress that we de¬veloped in early childhood. As children, we observed unpredictable behavior from responsible adults. We never knew from one day to the next if our parents would be there for us. Many of us were abandoned either physically or emotionally. As our parents' addictions increased in severity, their inability to parent also increased. As children, we simply were not important. Now as adults, we are inclined to choose partners with whom we can repeat this pattern. We try to be perfect by meeting all our partner's needs in order to avoid experiencing the pain of abandonment. Our need to reduce the possibility of abandonment takes precedence over dealing with issues or conflicts. This behavior produces a tense environment with poor communication.

When we fear abandonment, we may:
Feel insecure
Worry excessively
Become caretakers
Become co-dependent
Avoid being alone
Feel rejected

Consider situations where fear of abandonment is a problem for you.
Example: I fear abandonment by my husband because he doesn't pay much attention to me. This affects my peace of mind. This activates my caretaking and manipulation of him. This makes me feel very frightened and vulnerable.

Self-evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does fear of abandonment negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little negative effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect.

FEAR OF AUTHORITY FIGURES

Fear of people in roles of authority can be a result of our parents' unrealistic expectations of us—wanting us to be more than we were able to be. We see people in authority as having unrealistic expectations of us and thus, we fear we cannot meet their expectations. We are unable to deal with people whom we perceive as being in positions of power. Simple assertiveness displayed by others is often misinterpreted by us as anger. This can cause us to feel intimidated and to become oversensitive. No matter how competent we are, we compare ourselves to others and conclude that we are inadequate. As a result, we constantly compromise our integrity in order to avoid confrontation or criticism.

Fear of authority figures may cause us to:
Fear rejection
Compare ourselves to others
Take things personally
React rather than act
Be arrogant
Feel inadequate

Consider situations where authority figures are a problem for you.
Example: I fear my boss because I don't want her to know how stupid I think I am. This affects my actions when I am around her. This activates my need to isolate—I try to be unnoticed. This makes me feel childish and immature.

Self-evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does fear of authority figures negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little negative effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today.

FROZEN FEELINGS

Many of us have difficulty expressing our feelings or even realizing that we have them. We harbor deep emotional pain and a sense of guilt and shame. As children, our feelings were met with disapproval, anger, and rejection. For survival purposes, we learned to hide our feelings or repress them entirely. As adults, we are not in touch with our feelings. We can only allow ourselves to have "acceptable" feelings to stay "safe." Our true nature is distorted so we can protect ourselves from the reality of what is truly happening. Distorted and repressed feelings cause resentment, anger, and depression, which often lead to physical illness.

When we have frozen feelings, we may:
Be unaware of our feelings
Be depressed
Have distorted feelings Withhold conversation
Suppress positive feelings
Struggle with relationships

Consider situations where frozen feelings are a problem for you.
Example: I repress my feelings toward my spouse because I don't want to be hurt. This affects my actions and limits my ability to communicate with my spouse. This activates my need to isolate and causes me to be accused of being insensitive and unaffectionate. This makes me feel very isolated and lonely.

Self-evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much do frozen feelings negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that they have little negative effect. Number ten indicates that they have great negative effect. Circle where you are today.

FEAR OF AUTHORITY FIGURES

Fear of people in roles of authority can be a result of our parents' unrealistic expectations of us—wanting us to be more than we were able to be. We see people in authority as having unrealistic expectations of us and thus, we fear we cannot meet their expectations. We are unable to deal with people whom we perceive as being in positions of power. Simple assertiveness displayed by others is often misinterpreted by us as anger. This can cause us to feel intimidated and to become oversensitive. No matter how competent we are, we compare ourselves to others and conclude that we are inadequate. As a result, we constantly compromise our integrity in order to avoid confrontation or criticism.

Fear of authority figures may cause us to:
Fear rejection
Compare ourselves to others
Take things personally
React rather than act
Be arrogant
Feel inadequate

Consider situations where authority figures are a problem for you.
Example: I fear my boss because I don't want her to know how stupid I think I am. This affects my actions when I am around her. This activates my need to isolate—I try to be unnoticed. This makes me feel childish and immature.

Self-evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does fear of authority figures negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little negative effect. Num¬ber ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today.

ISOLATION

We usually find it safer to withdraw from surroundings that are uncomfortable for us. By isolating ourselves, we prevent others from seeing us as we really are. We tell ourselves that we are not worthy and, therefore, do not deserve love, attention, or acceptance. We also tell ourselves that we cannot be punished or hurt if we don't express our feelings. Rather than take risks, we choose to hide, thereby eliminating the need to face an uncertain outcome.

When we isolate ourselves, we may:
Fearing rejection
Feeling defeated
Be loneliness
Be timid and shy
Procrastinate
See ourselves as different

Consider situations where isolation is a problem for you.
Example: I isolate from my spouse because he/she is so negative toward me. This affects my self-esteem. This activates my negative self-talk and anger. This makes me feel worthless and stupid.
Self-evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does isolation negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little negative effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect.

LOW SELF-ESTEEM

Low self-esteem is rooted in our early childhood. During this time we were rarely encouraged to believe that we were adequate or important. Because of constant criticism, we believed that we were "bad" and the cause of many family problems. To feel accepted, we tried harder to please. The harder we tried, the more frustrated we became. Low self-esteem affects our ability to set and achieve goals. We are afraid to take risks. We feel responsible for things that go wrong, and when something goes right, we do not give ourselves credit. Instead, we feel undeserving and believe it is not going to last.

When we experience low self-esteem, we may:
Be non-assertive
Isolate from others
Fear failure
Have a negative self-image
Appear inadequate
Rescue or please others

Consider situations where low self-esteem is a problem for you.
Example: I have low self-esteem when I'm asked to speak in front of others because I believe everyone knows how worthless and unimportant I feel inside. This affects my ability to speak intelligently. I mumble, make excuses, and apologize for myself. This activates self-hatred and negative self-talk. This makes me feel hopeless.
Self-evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does low self-esteem negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little negative effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today.

OVERDEVELOPED SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY

As children in a dysfunctional home, we felt responsible for our parents' problems. We tried to be "model children" and arrange things the way we thought others wanted them to be. We believed that we were responsible for the emotions and actions of others—even for the outcome of events. Today we remain supersensitive to the needs of others, and we try to assume responsibility for helping them get their needs met. It is important for us to be perfect. We volunteer to do things so people will appreciate us. Our sense of responsibility causes us to overcommit, and we have a tendency to take on more than we can handle effectively.

When we are too responsible, we may:
Take life too seriously
Over-achieve
Appear rigid
Have false pride
Be perfectionists
Manipulate others

Consider situations where being over responsible is a problem for you.
Example: I feel overly responsible when things aren't going well at work because I feel as though it's my fault. This affects my health. I'm extremely tense and I get headaches. This activates my resentment and anger. I hate these people for letting me do all the work. This makes me feel guilty.

Self-evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does overdeveloped sense of responsibility negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little negative effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today.

IRRESPONSIBILITY

In childhood, life was so chaotic we felt that nothing we did mattered. The models we had were untrustworthy and irresponsible, so we didn't know what was normal. The expectations placed on us were beyond our ability to achieve. We couldn't be what everyone wanted us to be, so we quit trying. Rather than compete with successful siblings, we unplugged, we gave up. As adults we are irresponsible. We wait for things to change before we begin to take initiative. We believe life has been so unfair to us that we won't claim responsibility for our condition. We are overwhelmed by our problems, but don't know how we can make a difference.

When we are irresponsible, we may:
Become detached Under-achieve
Appear uncaring Have false pride
Feel like victims
Expect others to take care of us
Consider situations where irresponsibility is a problem for you.

Example: I feel irresponsible when too much is expected of me because I know that I can't please my family. This affects my self-esteem. I want to isolate and hide. This activates my resentment and anger. I hate these people for expecting this of me. This makes me feel guilty and afraid.

Self-evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does irresponsibility negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little negative effect. Number ten indicates that it has great negative effect.

REPRESSED SEXUALITY

We find ourselves confused and uncertain about our sexual feelings toward others, particularly those close to us or those with whom we hope to be emotionally intimate. Because it is awkward to share our feelings with others, we have no opportunity to develop a healthy attitude about our own sexuality. As small children we may have heard the message "sex is dirty and not to be talked about." Some of us saw our parents as very disapproving or as totally nonsexual. We may have been molested by a parent or close relative who was out of control. As a result, we are uncomfortable in our sexual roles. We do not freely discuss sex with our partners for fear of being misunderstood or abandoned.

Due to repressed sexuality we may:
Feel guilt and shame
Lose our sense of morality
Be frigid or impotent
Avoid intimacy
Seduce others
Be lustful

Consider situations where your sexuality is a problem for you.

Example: I repress my sexuality when my spouse wants intimacy because I feel dirty and unlovable. This affects our relationship. This activates my resentment and anger toward my spouse for not understanding, consequently I hate myself for being this way. This makes me feel lonely.

Self-evaluation: On a scale from one to ten, how much does your repressed sexuality negatively affect your life? Number one indicates that it has little negative effect. Num¬ber ten indicates that it has great negative effect. Circle where you are today.

CHARACTER STRENGTHS

Consider the positive character strengths you already possess in the following areas:
Emotional: Healthy feelings or affective responses to one's self and others (e.g., I am able to feel and express my love for my spouse and my children).

Spiritual: The good ways one relates to God (e.g., I have a strong commitment to Jesus Christ).

Relational: Positive and supportive interaction with others (e.g., I have a healthy friendship with Robert).

Moral: Proper ethics and behavior in thoughts and actions (e.g., I have a clear conscience concerning my business affairs).

Intellectual: Quality attention and energy devoted to mental activities (e.g., I devote time to reading and study).

Self-care/nurturing: Healthy concern and care for self. (e.g., I take time to go fishing).

ADDITIONAL INVENTORY

Take time now to consider the weaknesses and strengths that you did not consider in your Step Four inventory.